Boys see girls, girls see boys

This week, in a major lapse of concentration due to being over tired and it being half six in the morning, I left for work (and indeed arrived at work without even noticing) without my abaya on. This created an uproar: the women I work with were shocked/amazed/astounded and amused by how I could possibly have managed to do such a thing. As one of my friends put it, I've "been here for a while now so should be used to it." I guess she doesn't understand that it would take a bit more than three months for me to be 'used to' wearing an abaya. Sure, I've become accustomed to it in some ways: I don't trip on it quite as much as I did before, and thanks to a generous friend I am the proud owner of one that does up down the front, which is much more comfortable. It allows me to undo the top button when I'm too hot, or subtly take off my jumper underneath if I feel like I'm gonna die. Which reminds me of another story actually. The other day I was shopping alone in Mothercare and it was seriously boiling, so I decided to do my trick and take off my hoody. Well, it's fair to say it could've gone better. I took one arm out, then the other, then got stuck because the hood was sticking out over the top of my abaya and I couldn't reach to pull the whole thing up over my head. So in the end, after attracting significant attention from the male shop assistants, I had to wiggle and wriggle until I could pull the blasted thing out from underneath me. Needless to say, I left the shop in a hurry after that, much more hot and flustered than I had been at the beginning.
Anyway, on with my 'I forgot my abaya' story. So after giving the women at work great amusement, I then had to brave going to get on a bus to go to a meeting. The schools have these screens at the entrances, to stop men prying I suppose. We were all standing around talking and I happened to look out past the screen to find I was on show for all the world to see, and there were at least two men in parked cars staring at me. Makes you feel like a stripper in one of those 1 euro peepshows in Amsterdam, (minus the payment, dammit!)
After school I had to walk the two minutes home through the back roads. You'd think that a long black skirt, long sleeved black top and headscarf would be enough to ward off unwanted attention, but no such luck. We were actually followed by a car with three young men in it, who whistled and shouted at us for the majority of the way.
My conclusion to this episode is that the rules here are creating men who just simply aren't capable of being around non abaya-clad women, and should, in fact, stay in Saudi Arabia forever.

Another entertaining thing that happened recently was when we all went to a meeting at another school. Actually, I wasn't invited to the meeting as it was going to be conducted in Arabic (well done school, how thoroughly 'international' of you) but I stowed away anyway in a bus full of Arabic women, thus realising first hand a major perk of a burka- blending in.
When we got to our destination the bus driver didn't know where to park, so we drove around a bit in circles. Lee was waiting for me, and so I pointed him out to my colleagues. And, I kid you not, it was like I'd been transported to a fan club tour bus full of teenagers at a One Direction concert or something. There was screaming and screeching and cries of 'very handsome!' gallore.
It would seem, therefore, that just like the men here, the women also can't cope with the excitement. 

Click this link to read about another case of someone using the burka for a great escape. Amazing.

  

Keeping the Sexes Separate

My school- kindergarden to Grade 3- has both boys and girls in it, which causes some problems in a country where this is not generally allowed. Rather than just making a blanket rule saying that schools must be split, they allow young children to be together but then make unreasonable rules for inside the school itself. For example, the playground here is a subject of much controversy. Boys and girls playing in the same place at the same time? This can't be! So the teachers are instructed at break times to keep the girls in the sandpit and swings area and the boys on the football pitch. OK, so to me this is pretty weird, but if it needs to be done then I guess it's just about manageable.
But it doesn't end there, and I'm sure you will be as amused/shocked by what happened in the Chapter called, "The ministry of education come to visit."
The grade 3 class here is mixed because there aren't enough boys or girls to make them into seperate classes. But when we heard the ministry were coming- Action Stations!- the kids were spilt into boys and girls and everyone pretended this is always the case. A small issue here is that it meant the boys were taught for the day by their assistant, because obviously there was no teacher. So you could say their education suffered. But the main thing that is unbeleivable is that the children were briefed on what was going to happen, and what they should say if they were asked any questions. Um... I know you're 9 years old, but could you just lie to the Ministry of education to protect the company? Thanks very much.
I still don't even understand why we did this, because if the ministry had found out the boys and girls were in the same class then maybe our bosses would be forced to hire a new teacher.

And in other 'the way children are treated here' news, I found something out about the girls middle school (grade 7 and 8), via another teacher that I live with. She told me that the other day there was a random spot check to search for forbidden mobile phones. The students were lined up against the wall and checked with a metal detector, then their bags searched. Apparently what had happened was that a girl was texting her 'boyfriend' (someone she met on facebook) and someone else had posted pictures of the girls at school on twitter. In their school uniforms! How scandalous. These girls, aged 12 and 13, already have to wear full cover, to the point where they are not allowed to leave the school in the afternoon until their hair and faces totally covered up. So it follows that them being seen not in an abaya in a photo on the internet would send everyone concerned into a frenzy.
This got me thinking about a very interesting modern problem regarding the laws here. Technology has moved on, but the rules have not evolved. Therefore the cinema and concerts are banned, but facebooking any random person from anywhere in the world and posting photos of yourself on the internet, is not. For now, anyway.

Oh yeah, and the phones that were found in school were apparently smashed in front of the students. That'll teach them!  

Meeting the Mothers and Achieving Greatness

Last week we had a 'mothers meeting' at school, which is Saudis answer to a parents evening. Of course I was grateful there were no men, as this would've resulted in me having to wear my abaya for the whole thing, but it still seemed a bit one sided and unnatural to me. You'd think one of the perks of a man-free meeting would be that the women could uncover but actually there wasn't a single one who took their abaya off. One woman even chose to discuss her children with me whilst wearing a full burka, which meant I couldn't really hear what she was saying.
But abaya or no abaya I was still struck by the glamour and glitz of the occasion. I've really never seen so many women doing their makeup and sorting out their hair in a childrens' bathroom. Also there were some people who brought their girls in pretty party dresses complete with blusher, eyeliner and lipstick; miniature doll version of their mums.
Another odd part of the 'no men' set up was that I spoke to one lady who is divorced and doesn't live with her child. Her boy is quite naughty and a bit of a handful, but it was impossible to discuss strategies for improving behaviour with someone who a) doesn't see the child and b) was nearly crying in front of me.
Some women found it impossible to comprehend that their children are badly behaved. There seems to be a general consensus that the boys are just 'babies,' which accounts for a lot really.

In other news it actually rained last week and the kids went crazy. When we arrived to our private tutoring the two boys were running around in ponchos, screaming and playing in what can only be described as a bit of drizzle. Exciting times. I just wish the rain would happen in the morning next time because apparently so many people stay at home that the King has to call it a national holiday.

There were two main highlights of the last school week. Firstly, I did a mini award ceremony with my boys class, for the winners of the most stamps. It was very cute.

But my absolute favourite moment of the week has to be the pride I felt in my teaching ability after doing a plural nouns worksheet with the girls class. This girl clearly didn't get it, as she decided to take off the last letter of each word and and replace it with s.
Please note number 13:

I really am so impressed with myself. Maybe it was some sort of subliminal messaging that she picked up on? Pat on the back for me.

Cover your head!

I'm sitting here sipping my ice cold non-alcoholic beer and finding myself asking the question, why? If it's non alcoholic then what's wrong with juice or pop instead? Since being here I've been comforted by the beer bottles and the recognisable brands such as Budweiser, feeling happier with one in my hand on a Wednesday night (that's a Friday night to you lot) than with a glass of lemonade. I've been through a vast array of flavours- apple, pineapple, pomegranate and classic. The one I've got right now is a classic Bario and I'm pleased to announce it tastes like an ever so slightly watered down Corona.
It's funny how not drinking comes with some big highs and lows. I have to say that I really and truly enjoy never having a hangover.
But on the other hand, I am overly aware that it is approximately 115 hours until we get to the bar in Bahrain airport on our way to Sri Lanka...
Anyway, enough about (non) alcohol. On Thursday I went back to Granada Mall to do some holiday shopping. Keen not to be caught during prayer times again, we headed there at 7pm. Unfortunately for us, the Saudis are also wise to this plan, so it was mega busy. Damn.
When we were finished shopping, we headed up to the food court for the delivery of a bribe called 'we can have a McDonald's if you come shopping with me' (a win-win for me). I had my first, and then second, experience of being told to cover my head  by the mutawwa *the religious police, known as the Committee for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice (Saudi Arabia, Customs and Culture, Nicholas Buchele). I have to say it wasn't as scary as I'd imagined, but rather made me feel somewhat initiated into the ways of this land.
I was highly amused at the McDonald's counter, where Lee took the decision to queue in the 'singles' section, rather than the bustling 'family' section. Whilst waiting at a distance I pondered these titles, wondering why they aren't just called men's and women's sections (as this is pretty much what they are). Then it dawned on me: the names give men the option of going to either one.
Once we had our food we entered the concealed family area of the food court. And my goodness was it packed. Apparently, as we found out later, 9.30 is prime eating out time for Saudis. As we fought for a seat we were appalled by how incredibly dirty the place was and by how many children were running riot, rolling around on the floor, screaming and shouting and sitting on the  tables. Nobody was cleaning up after themselves, but seemed instead to be going out of their way to throw their rubbish on the floor.
One thing's for sure, the experience gave me a mega insight into how the children come to be so badly behaved at school.

Me and My Shadow

Thought I'd give you all a quick laugh today by showing you exactly what my life has become!


The headscarf serves only to create a double chin and accentuate my innate pea-headedness. What a look. 

I'm having a little trouble adapting to life like this, I have to say. On Wednesday, I tripped at least three times, once going up the stairs to my flat, and the rest whilst walking to the shop. The kerbs are really big here and if you don't remember to hitch up your skirts then before you know it some pesky flapping piece of material's hooked under a flip flop and you're away. Thankfully I haven't fallen flat on my face as yet, but there's definitely still time. Men here drive like complete twats which makes crossing the road a bit of an ordeal anyway, but if you add to that the inability to run for fear of tripping, it can be quite terrifying. And my Abaya is actually fairly short (saucy), which makes me wonder how on earth the other women manage.

The heat plus Abaya is obviously a recipe for disaster, as I am prone to being a bit of a sweaty betty at the best of times. But one good thing I've found is that I can just walk around in very little clothing and no one knows about it! A small victory I feel, but a victory nonetheless.

No Men Allowed

Gentlemen, if you ever want to really punish a lady for some wrongdoing they have commited  towards you, just deposit them for a couple of hours at Bushra Mall, Riyadh. I went to this 'Ladies Mall' with two friends recently with the hope of being able to shed our Abayas and be free to shop in a trendy, relaxed environment.
Oh how wrong I was.
Going in to the carefully covered entrance, we were greeted with an area like a cloakroom at a club. Our bags were searched, my friends lighter was taken hostage and we were told to leave any phones or cameras there for the duration of our visit. What did they think we we're gonna do- take photos of these women in real clothes and spread them around for all of mankind to see? Shock horror.
Actually I did see one girl undo her Abaya when she walked in to reveal what was basically little more than a bra. Apparently it's quite a trend here to wear sexy underwear underneath and not a lot else.
So in we went to Bushra and I have to say I think it is a place that Allah forgot. I can only describe it as being made up of shops from the worst parts of Peckham: far too many sequins and unprovable 'discounts' in the windows. There was not one single shop I wanted to go in, and in fact we did only go in an Abaya shop the whole time we were there. I realised also that when people say 'Ladies Mall' it actually means 'Ladies and their 5000 screaming running kids, Mall.' There were so many children that it felt more like a daycare centre than anything else. People were having picnics on mats on the floor, like it was some kind of trip out to the park. And the weird thing was that at least half the women didn't take off their Abayas anyway, so we still got stared at by people who obviously weren't happy with our infidel uncovering.
I experienced a little bit of Saudi logic whilst trying to flee the dreaded place. We had to exit out of the same door we came in, past the cloak room. But there was no one stopping the incoming floods of traffic (seriously people, are you flocking here for real?), causing the entrance room to get more and more full. After about ten minutes we realised that the only way to get out would be to push for our lives, the thought of dying a slow and miserable death inside Bushra spurring us on.

The following weekend I went to a far better mixed Mall called Granada. There were shops like New Look, H and M and Topshop, but looking for work clothes proved rather futile as they stocked the same clothes they do in the west. What's the point, I ask you, in trying to sell tank tops and mini skirts and other things that no one is allowed to wear? Very strange.
Our shopping was interrupted twice by Salah (prayer time), during which the shops shut and everyone was booted out. We went up to the food court to quickly try and buy something to keep us occupied for the half an hour before we could resume our shopping.
The food court was absolutely heaving with people who clearly had the same idea as us. But my question is this: if you are all here, then what are all the shops bothering to shut for. Are you not supposed to be praying?

I have become accustomed to the call to prayer that blasts out from the Mosque loudspeakers five times a day. It can be strangely beautiful and eerie, apart from of course at 4.30 in the morning when it is just plain annoying.


A song that is in my head a lot at the moment. I wonder why....

One Shade of Black

Hmm where to start.... Probably in a place that isn't too overt and at risk of getting me thrown in prison. Joke! Or is it? Who knows.

Highlights so far have been as follows:
1. Being with Lee again (aww)
2. The vast selection of chocolate (sorry Korea, but what you have to offer chocolate-wise is truly pitiful)
3. The people we live with.

And now for the low lights, which I don't think I could simply list. I guess I'm just struggling to get to grips with things I already knew. It's not like I wasn't warned, but still, it's quite a shock to experience for real. 
On my first day, a man who didn't even acknowledge me came to pick me up to take me to the admin building. Madly trying to keep my ever slipping headscarf in place, I walked into a huge office, everyone averting their eyes as I walked past. I then sat, almost ignored, for an hour and a half while the men 'sorted' some of my work stuff out.
After that I was whisked away to the school, where I had to just walk in and introduce myself, as no one was expecting me. When I left home I was unaware that I would be going to school so I didn't have the regulation long black skirt on, meaning I was stuck wearing my abaya for the rest of the day. After a brief five minute introduction, the headteacher opened a classroom door to reveal a room full of kids running wild, and actually said the words 'would you like to start now?,' to which I replied a hasty 'no'  (adding a 'hell' before it in my head). I was then deposited in the staff room to talk to people who were too stressed to talk to me.
 After finding out that the students don't have all the books they need and that the school are understaffed and therefore I have to teach 6 of 7 lessons from the first day, I then had to wait ages for someone to sort out a driver for me to get home. When I finally did get back I was pretty much a wreck.

My hopes that maybe the kids would be nice and make it all worth while were sadly crushed the very next day when I started for real. But that, my friends, is a story for another time...


Ps dont worry too much because things have vastly improved already-I can't imagine what this post would've said if I'd written it yesterday or the day before!