I've been thinking lately about the idea of "looking forward to things." When I was about seven years old I remember being freaked out when I realised that all things come to an end, no matter how long you look forward to them beforehand. For example, I would be excited for months about going away on holiday in the summer, and then all of a sudden it would come and go and I'd be like, Oh, it's over. I think sometimes the act of looking forward to something can eclipse the thing itself- if you get overly excited you're at risk of disappointment when the event arrives. There's also the age old problem of "time flies when you're having fun."
I guess this is on my mind because of the way my life is here. Sure, we're lucky to be able to afford lots of holidays, but it's tiring spending all the time in between just looking forward to them. And then inevitably they're gone in a flash. That's just the way it goes. Also I think being a teacher makes you see your life in blocks. Getting through that lesson, or that day, or that semester. Looking forward to Wednesday (that's Friday to you) and feeling a sense of dread when Friday night comes (the Sunday night blues). And it's weird because I don't even dislike my job, it's almost just an automatic reaction to 'going back to school.'
A quote from Catch 22 on the subject:
"Maybe a long life does have to be filled with many unpleasant conditions if it's to seem long. But in that event, who wants one?"
In a place where I constantly live for the holidays, I like to try and savour the boring/ down-right awful moments. I don't like to wish things away, and am also aware that in a few weeks I'll leave this place forever and hopefully will look back with some fond memories(?!)
My plan is this: to savour and secretly enjoy every moment, whilst tricking my brain into believing I'm not enjoying them. Also to not think too much about holidays but to let them creep up on me. Then I'll have a slow and fun life! Ha!
Anyway, enough rubbish. Here's my holiday video. It's my second attempt at movie making, and I think it's a little better than the last one.